Anna LeBaron

Anna LeBaron

1 week ago

So I’m about 4 years old in the top photo and I can barely remember being this age. I’m the cute one in the middle with my big sister’s arm around me.

It was 1973 and I loved playing Slap Jack.

All I know now is that it was the year before, in 1972, when my father ordered the first hit and our lives took a turn for the worse.

The adults began to live in fear, which meant the children picked up on it whether they were aware of what was going on or not.

We began moving around a lot. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Life became very unpredictable and unstable. Even just typing this out I can feel my heart rate quickening enough that I need to pause and breathe.

I felt like a happy-go-lucky kid until I was 7 or 8.

At that age I began evidencing the effects of the trauma, abuse, and neglect we experienced. It may have started out imperceptibly, at first, but as time went on, it became worse and worse; both what was happening around me, and the effect it had on me.

It’s been almost 50 years since this photo was taken. I’ve grown, healed, and now know how to take care of myself when experience a trigger.

I was telling a friend at lunch that it wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I learned from a professional counselor the name for what I had experienced practically my whole life:

Anxiety triggered by post-traumatic stress.

Just having a diagnosis and a name for the feelings I experienced made such a huge difference! It helped me name what was happening to me, and in doing so, I’ve been able to help others begin to notice some things in themselves, too.

You don’t have to be born into a violent, polygamist cult to experience childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect.

When I find those who, like me have experienced things no child ever should, I love helping demystify their experience for them. I love normalizing and humanizing their responses and reactions to it all, too.

I also love encouraging them to see a professional counselor to help them process their own experiences more fully.

I’m still a work-in-progress. We all are, if we’re honest. I still use all the tools I learned in counseling and therapy on a daily basis. Trauma, abuse, and neglect isn’t just something you “get over.”

Little Anna is still alive and kicking inside me! Sometimes she kicks and screams at the unfairness of it all. Sometimes she plays and has a grand ol’ time!

Either way, grown, Adult Anna (see 2nd photo) is here to look after her, help her calm down when needed, and to play along when it’s time to have some fun.

Little Anna is enjoying life more and more these days. It’s evidenced by all the ways Adult Anna has learned to enjoy her life, too.

It seems like the more grown up and adult I become, the safer Little Anna feels. Imagine that.

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Photo credit: David M.
Left to right: Marilyn, Mom, Hyrum (on Mom’s lap), Anna, Kathleen, Celia.

To read more about my childhood in the cult, and my healing journey, pick up a copy of my memoir from your favorite bookseller: “The Polygamist’s Daughter” (Tyndale House Publishers, 2017) and then tag me in a post when you begin reading! 📚 ... See MoreSee Less

Anna LeBaron

3 weeks ago

👩‍👦Mother’s Day ProTip👩‍👧

➡️ Grab a piece of paper and a pen. 📝
➡️ Write down the things your Mom did right.
➡️ Fold it up.
➡️ Hand it to her on Sunday.

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If you won’t see her, copy it, mail the original to her. Call her on Sunday and read it to her. 📫📲

If she is gone, do this for your own benefit to help you remember the good things. 🙏🏼

If you have women in your life who have stood in the gap and mothered you well, write to them. 🥰

If you are estranged, or if you experienced childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect, practice self-care while deciding if this is right for you or not.💔 ... See MoreSee Less