2020 has been quite a year.
I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s all fine.
Everything’s fine. Really, truly fine.
2021 cannot get here fast enough.
I pulled out my Christmas tree on November 1st as an act of defiance. (My usual rule of thumb is to wait until after Thanksgiving.)
It’s not lit up just yet because of a “small mishap” of 2020 proportions (which we do not need to go into) BUT THE TREE IS OUT. 🎄
When will you decorate for Christmas?
OR
How do you plan to ring in the new year?
This is as 2020 as it gets. 🙄
We decided to go ahead and put up the Christmas tree so we could enjoy it a full two months. 🌟
We also needed extra time to see what River would do with the tree and to get her used to it before adding ornaments. Any and all suggestions welcomed! 😅
So I dragged the tree and box full of lights out of the attic. 🎄📦
Come to find out we only have 1 full strand of white lights (OUT OF 9) that work. (That’s the one all balled up on the floor.) 😑
There is another strand with only half of the lights working. (That one is dangling out of the tree.) 😬
As I tried strand after strand with no success (hence the big pile of lights on the couch), I became somewhat intimately acquainted with the feeling of utter frustration Clark Griswald felt in Christmas Vacation. 😤
So, yes, I’ll be at the store tomorrow buying more lights. NOTHING WILL ROB ME OF MY JOY, BY GOLLY! 🤪
Will you join us in decorating for Christmas early this year as a way of inviting 2020 to come. to. an. end. already? 🤷🏼♀️
As an author, it's my job to find new readers.
Generally speaking, it's best for the author if readers buy books at retail booksellers.
All too often, though, avid readers are reticent about spending their time and money on an obscure or unknown author or title that they haven't read before, unless it comes recommended by a trusted source, is free, or nearly free, like these used copies of my book are right now.
Link to my Influencer page on Amazon where you can find my memoir, The Polygamist's Daughter, among others I have loved reading: www.amazon.com/shop/annaklebaron
All that said, the number one obstacle for new or recently published unknown authors like me is obscurity. There's no shame in that; it's just a reality every new author faces.
I'm known in certain circles and spaces, and that's good. However, I reached the maximum number of people that I can using the resources and tools I have at my disposal quite a while ago.
After that, it's up to my loyal readers, the ones who loved my book and feel like there are others who would enjoy it, too, to help spread the word.
I'm grateful for the 841 people who have reviewed my book!
I am 159 reviews away from 1,000! I would love to kick 2020 in the teeth by reaching this goal before the end of the year. One thousand reviews is the tipping point for a book on Amazon.
If you have read my book, will you tell me what kind of reader you are OR what types of readers you think would love my book, so those who are new to me can decide if The Polygamist's Daughter is right for them?
Then, would you consider writing a one-to-two-sentence review on Amazon? If you do, please let me know when it's posted so I can read it and then say "thank you!"
If you have already reviewed my book, would you help me by Sharing this post?
Thank you so much for your continued support of my work.
Did you know that supporting an author makes you a Patron of the Literary Arts? Next time you're asked what you do at a fancy dinner party or networking event, give that as your answer and watch your esteem in the inquirer's mind grow. 😉
Today I left a little bit of food on my plate as an act of faith. 🕊
There will be more food later, after all. 🍔🥤🍟
And tomorrow.
And next week.
And next month.
And so on...
Well, 2020 has exposed some things allowing me to see them clearly for what they are.
I have 20/20 vision about them now.
I can clearly see the hives on my body, along with you and the rest of the world. What I understand the hives to be, or what they have come to represent to me, is that I’m terrified of not being in control.
The illusion that I have had any control has been completely shattered.
This need for an illusion of control is a learned pattern of behavior that developed, from infancy, because my very real needs were not met properly by my mother and father (the family of origin that I was born into).
Part of the issue is my current inability to hold a larger view in mind. To see the bigger picture.
Or, more accurately put, to see the correct (real, true) bigger picture, and keep it in mind when doing other things and not keeping my focus on it.
I can see it only briefly.
The real problem is that I have the incorrect (the old, the lie, the illusion, the distorted) picture in mind, even when I’m doing other things.
Object Permanence is a skill learned in infancy.
I learned a pattern, or a habit, of seeing the world through a lens that verified to me the reality that my very real needs would not be met. This became the broader picture that was permanently in my view.
Then, later, because I believed that my needs wouldn’t be met (historically speaking I was right) I learned how to manipulate and exploit my environment, and the people in it, to ensure that my needs would be met. This is the old, broader picture view.
That broader picture became permanent, and continued on, even after a new picture began to develop, and come into view. One that showed my needs being met in real, tangible ways. This was when I was born (again) into my current, spiritual family. The one where Good Fathers and Good Mothers actually take care of their children’s needs.
My attention was already trained to focus on and became fixed on the old picture.
The new picture (that my needs will be met) only comes into focus briefly, when I am able to see clearly, plainly, and without any other evidence to the contrary in my line of sight, which only happens on occasion.
As soon as I turn away, or something else comes into focus, I lose sight of the new picture. There is no “object permanence” with the new, only with the old.
Surrendering to this new picture, this new reality, one where I understand that my very real needs will be met consistently, was something that I chose to do when all the other options available to me were not viable, workable solutions to the problem.
Me trying my best, my hardest, to manipulate and change the world around me (instead of focusing on what I can actually control — myself) no longer works for me. It’s an inefficient and ineffective way to live my life.
In other words, as Larry Eisenberg put it, I have resigned, for my own peace of mind, my position as the general manager of the universe.
I’m done trying to keep the world spinning on its axis and all the plates from falling to the ground.
All the plates have fallen and my worst nightmare (that I am not in control of the universe, mine specifically) has come true. This is evidenced by this case of chronic hives I’ve been experiencing since the beginning of June.
I am now learning, like a small child, an infant even, how to keep the new, broader picture in mind. This is a more effective way to live.
What do I actually have control of?
Myself.
My lot in life.
What is actually mine.
What I have been given to steward.
Things like:
My body.
My home.
My car.
My work.
My energy.
My time.
My efforts.
Keeping my focus on these things only, and drawing firm boundaries around what is actually mine to attend to, is an effective way to run my own life.
Not being worried or concerned in the least way about what others may choose to do (until it actually involves me — which, when I stop meddling in the affairs of others and mind my own business, actually happens a lot less) gives me more peace of mind.
This allows me to better focus on the new picture.
The one where I actually believe my needs will be met, in a timely manner, and in ways that I had very little to do with, besides doing my daily work and accomplishing the small tasks which I have already been equipped and provisioned to do.
In other words, if I’m not equipped and provisioned to do it, it’s not actually my work to do for today.
I think I can actually live a really good life this way, even if the hives that appear on my body daily never go away.
Good health is given and good health is (sometimes) taken away. I will not charge God with wrongdoing.
The wrongdoing came from the evil perpetrated by my father and mother, and my original family of origin.
My body, in the form of hives, is just telling me the truth, revealing the truth, allowing me to see with clear, 20/20 vision, how things really are, and this really is such good news for me!
2020 literally wrung (squeezed, forced out from internal pressure, or extracted) the lie (represented by the hives that resulted from the shattering of the old view, the old picture) out of me.
The new way, the new picture, is all that is left. It came to me and is now in full focus, in full view, because I have a Good Father. One who truly takes care of me, His Beloved Daughter, and meets all my needs.
I am like a sheep that has a Good Shepherd.
I lack no good thing. All my needs are currently met. I’m well-fed, clothed, and housed in this very moment where I’m taking this breath. That is enough.
I’m experiencing all the provision I need to do my work with gladness, peace, and joy overflowing, in spite of my health that is less than ideal.
This, too, will take care of itself, in time.
Either in this life, or the one to come.
Either way, I can and I will live my life in the kind of peace that passes all human understanding. The kind of peace that is possible, even in 2020.
Actually, the kind of peace that became possible only because of 2020.
